The interwebs is so busy with information about pretty much anything you want to research and not only will you find academic information and data but you also learn from peoples experiences and lives.
Since I lost my job 3 weeks ago I have had so much time on my hands that my focus switched to learning more about my disease and how I could better Manage it…the internet did not let me down, I came across Bloggers, Facebook Pages, Real people I could contact and talk to as well as a whole load of academia and medical studies on Type 1 Diabetes; herein lies my problem.
Every day I would be monitoring my blood sugar levels, adjusting insulin, taking new vitamins and supplements and changing my nutrition intake…every day I would (without me realising it) become more and more obsessed with managing my diabetes that I can not recall, apart from a few days, doing anything else but researching about and implementing management of the disease for the last couple of weeks.
The biggest problem which I know see has been reading too much into all the nasty complications I could potentially get from blood sugars above a normal non diabetic range but as a friend of mine said to me the other day;
“…acknowledge that complete normoglycaemia is unattainable with a deranged metabolism that is missing a bunch of essential hormones…”
This is something we as a T1D community must accept because as I now realise, obsessing over this grinds you down and affects you mentally which I dare say is probably just as bad for you.
The night before was a 1am bed and last night was a 2am bed, just because I was over thinking everything and did not want to sleep so today as you could imagine, my head was not in the best space and all I needed was something small to tip me over the edge – it came in the form of an unexplained high blood sugar…
Chips and chocolate was eaten in my fury and not just the good chocolate but cooking chocolate as well (my wife doesn’t understand why I eat the cooking chocolate when there is perfectly good milk chocolate in the cupboard), then comes the feeling of anger and guilt, pulling out my CGM sensor from my hip and yanking out the insulin infusion set from my stomach, I put on my workout gear and headed for the boxing bag in the garage.
Heavy metal music pumping, gloves on, heavy weights at the ready and martial art shoes on, I worked my ass off for the next hour, venting my anger and frustration on the boxing bag, occasionally going inside to use the pull up bar then back to the garage for weighted sit ups then back on the bag. It wasn’t enough, I felt like running away…
Closing the garage door after me, I ran away, down many streets that headed in the opposite direction of all my diabetes equipment, the medication and the worries that go with it, without medication with me or in me, I was not worried about having a low blood sugar attack and did not want to care about high blood sugars so I kept running and running and running…I am by no means a runner and I hate running, my physio always told me he would not treat me if I started running because of my flat feet but I kept going, eventually I did a massive loop around my huge suburb finishing back at my house dripping with sweat free from my anger.
It was good to have that short break away from it, it also helped me calm down and put some sense back into me.
So I am taking a break from the continuous glucose monitoring, relying on finger prick tests and I will not be doing any more research or trawling through the busy Type 1 Diabetes social media sites for a while, its time to switch my focus and get my head back on track after all I am a house bitch now and need to uphold my domestic duties while my wife works.
Plus I have a heap of fundraising work to do for the 2016 JDRF Ride To Cure Diabetes…watch this space for more info!