We are all mortal and life likes to remind us every now and again that by exposing weakness, even those of us who are strong, life knows our weaknesses and plays on it when we haven’t been reminded for a while…but our strength is determined by how well we pick our selves up and push through the obstacles of life put before us.
I found myself inside one of these moments of weakness this morning.
Yesterday (Saturday) decided to be a shit of a day with blood sugar levels, I haven’t quite worked out what was going on, however readings were in the low double digits (I didn’t have a tester tantrum though) and seemed to bounce back up every time I got them down.
6am Sunday Morning
As per usual my lovely children allowed the house to wake up early on a Sunday morning making a racket in the lounge room (we have ‘wood’ floor so the sound echoes through out the house), after a while I got up and as per usual I test my blood sugar, it comes out at 12.1 mmol “for $%&* sake” I think my words were.
Time to replace my insulin infusion set because it must be either kinked or my site has too much scar tissue from previous injections to be able to absorb insulin…as I stand in front of the mirror after getting a shower (need a clean insertion site), I take a look at my ass in the reflection…haha not checking for tone but looking for a spare insertion site.
Weakness is my strength…
As I look, all I can see are left over battle scars from previous insertion sites, I look down to my stomach for a site and remember all the grief and pain it gives me putting them there, I then look down to the insertion site picture provided my the insulin pump manufactures and see no spots all ready taken by battle scars or contain enough fat to suitable for an insertion site…
…its at this moment I find my self uncontrollably sobbing, this situation (minus the sobbing) is not uncommon so I don’t know why it happened, maybe due to other life and work stresses going on.
I stood in the bathroom looking through blurry tear dropped eyes at my insulin syringe making sure not to get air bubbles or over fill it, I looked at my face in the mirror and said “there are people in the world in worse situations than you with less health care than what you have, this is you life you must be strong and deal with it!” —
Baekjul-Bool Gool – Korean for Indomitable Spirit (Never wanting to give up)
At the time of writing, my new insertion site has been okay, I do know however that tomorrow when I have work uniform and a belt on it is going to get uncomfortable, but for now it is doing the job.
Life is full of obstacles, however we need to put that armour on and work our way through the gauntlet to be able to grow and move forward…